"Saving Christmas" (director's cut)

I was disappointed.  I was expecting the worst movie ever made.  It was not.  I was expecting to laugh uproariously at fresh so-bad-it's-good hijinks.  I did not.  What I got was 80 minutes of hearing Kirk Cameron give an explanation of what Christmas really means that was so bizarre and so disassociated with anything approaching reality that more often than not I just wound up scratching my head and thinking "what?" 

That's not stupidity.  That's schizophrenia. 

My mother was a paranoid schizophrenic.  I know what it's like to try to have a reasonable conversation with them.  When you are in a confined space with someone who is giving you all the details of their particular delusion, you learned quickly to just nod your head a lot and agree with everything they say.  It's safer that way.  You know that they are all smiles and happy while they are confiding to you how the world REALLY works, but if they think for one moment that you don't believe them or are just humoring them, they will turn viscous and possibly violent.

The stuck-in-the-same-car victim in this case is Cameron's brother-in-law.  As he listens to Cameron explain that Christmas trees are little crosses in your house and that we decorate them with fruit so that Christ can replace the apple that Adam stole from the tree of life  (I'm not making this up,) we can just see Brother's discomfort.  We can see that he's thinking "get me out of here.  get me out of here."

At one point, he makes the mistake of questioning Cameron's view by asking, "but what about Santa?  That's not biblical."  Kirk responds by telling him the story of the REAL St. Nicklaus,  an angry man who responds to anyone disagreeing with his views by beating the living crap out of them.   Brother heeds this clear warning and shuts the hell up.

Brother-in-law eventually escapes from the car, breaks down the door to his own house, and looks at all his guests as though he is just relieved to still be alive.   The movie ends with everyone who ever feared for their lives after spending quality time with Crazy Uncle Kirk break dancing.