Schtupping God

Dear Diary,

I like TOTALLY had sex with God today....in the middle of the La Fitness no less.  I was like trying to get some cardio time on the running thingie when She got on the one next to me and pumped it up to ...idk 10 miles per hour going uphill?  It WAS pretty awesome, but kinda obvious.  She kept looking over at me and smiling.  That was just embarrassing.  I mean, I'm not a closet case or anything, but the gym is not a bar.  People could be watching.

She does have dynamite boobs though.  She caught me taking a quick look.  She just like smiled and took a deep breath so I could see them better.  "How are you doing tonight, Sweetie?"

"I'm fine."  I lied, still trying to get a flash of holy boobage and getting a little squishy.

"That's not what your Facebook posting said.  Are you still feeling lonely and down?"

I like pulled the emergency stop on the running thing.  "Oh...my...God.  Did you hack into my account?"

"No. I'm omniscient."

I left for the sauna.  I was like totally mortified...and not just because I didn't know what om-nishunt meant.  But I nearly screamed when I opened the door and found She was already in the sauna waiting for me...with nothing but a towel on.

"God, what are you doing?  What if someone comes in here?"

"No one is going to bother us, Pusscake.  This is just our time together."  She slowly peeled off the towel.

I couldn't say anything.  I couldn't move even.  My god was sitting on the wooden benches totally exposing Herself to me.   Her breasts were spectacular.  And Fuck!...that perfect little ass.  (She was also not shaved...which I thought was a little gross, but She's God and older than dirt, so I guess it's alright.)  

"Sit over here, Sweetie,"  She said, patting the bench next to Her.

I nearly jumped into Her lap and started kissing Her. OK, I'm not ashamed to admit it.  I was totally deep tonguing Her.  "I am lonely."  I said, crying.

"Let it go, Sweetie." She said. Not sure how I heard that so clearly since my tongue in Her mouth like that.  Maybe She was like doing a Spock mind thingie on me.  "Give your pain to me.  That's what I'm here for."

I did.  I rested my head on Her naked shoulder and bawled like a baby.  She put Her arm around me and patted me while I totally nutballed on Her shoulder.  "Everything will be all right." she said.  "Everything will be all right."  She just kept saying it, over and over.  I thought it was a little weird, but it did kinda make me feel better.  It felt like She was sucking the pain out of me and replacing it with love. 

By the time we hit the spa, I was completely relaxed.  I sat on the edge with my arms spread out on the edge of the pool.  She was right in front of me, her head barely above the swirling water.  I just sat with my eyes closed and hummed a little.

"Still feeling lonely?"  She asked.

"Little bit."

"Sweetie, a girl would just get in the way of our love.  She'd be a distraction.  You're mine.   What could a lover give you that I can't?"

"Oh, I don't know.  Head?"

"Oh really?" she said, slipping slowly down under the water.

She could sure stay under water for a long time.  I'm not going to give details about the talents of a beatific tongue.  Let's just say that eventually, I was clutching the rim of the spa and practically shouting out, "Oh my God!  Oh my God!"

She popped up out of the water.  "Yes?"

"Cute."  I said.

"Sorry.  Couldn't resist."

I gently pushed Her head back down under the foamy water.

I barely noticed when She left.  By that time I was totally at peace.  I felt loved.  I felt beautiful.  I felt strong.  I couldn't see Her any more, but I knew She hadn't really left.   My at-one-ment was complete.  I got my connection with Her back.   One in the flesh and all that hetero crap.  When I got out of the spa, I was flying and had the stupidest grin on my face.  I smiled at everyone I saw.  I bet they thought I was high.