A Pagan Heretic

I am not a typical Wiccan.  I don’t honor the Horned God, I’m not into ceremonies, and I don’t do spells.   That last difference is what marks me mostly as a pagan heretic.   I’ve never known another Wiccan who didn’t practice magick (that’s how they spell it) of some sort.  In fact, Wicca seems synonymous with magick.   If you don’t cast spells why bother being pagan in the first place?

Practicing my religion consists of connecting with God directly.  I call myself a Wiccan because when I feel that connection fully, God seems completely female to me.   People have said that my insistence that God is a woman is a reflection of my obsession with femaleness in general.  How could I consider communing with a male god when I have such a problem relating to men in general?   I see nothing wrong with that analysis.   Sounds good to me.  But it just describes how my concept of godhead came to be.  It says nothing about the validity of my beatific vision. 

Casting spells is an attempt to wield power over the world.  Most Wiccans say it is a very bad idea to cast any sort of spell on another human, apart from a protection spell or a karma spell.   No “die, you cheating bastard” spells.  No penis withering spells.  No “love me, Johnny Depp” enchantments.     But most Wiccans say that it is perfectly all right to cast spells asking for stuff.   You are allowed to cast enchantments to get cash or heal someone or even find a new love (you just can’t ask that a particular person notice you.)   These sorts of spells are the closest thing to prayer that Wiccans practice.   You can’t influence the actions of people, but it’s perfectly all right to ask the Goddess for ….well, stuff.

I don’t even go that far.  When I commune with Mom, I never ask Her for anything.  I don’t try to influence Her.  I figure She has things pretty well worked out and it is presumptuous of me to try to second guess Her.   So, my meditations generally revolve around loving Her, thanking Her for giving me much more than I deserve, and most of all trying to accept Her plan for me.  “Not my will, but Yours” is what I wind up chanting generally.  My worship consists of learning to trust Her and trying to see that everything that happens to me is for my benefit.

So I am mystified by those that say they follow an omniscient and omnipotent deity, yet feel no problem with asking for that deity to grant their various prayers.  If someone was hit by a car, just pray that God heals them.  If you’re out of work, you can pray for God to grant you a miracle and get you that job at Costco.  You can even pray that your sports team beats the living crap out of that other sports team.    

To me, it sounds like all these devout people are saying, “Look, I know you got this plan for everyone and all, but I want to ask you to change that a little bit for me…..not a lot.  Just a little bit.  I thought that might be all right since I’m planning on giving you all the credit.  I’m even willing say that it wasn’t my idea since I’m asking for all this stuff in the name of Your most holy kid.”    

This is tantamount to saying, “not Your will, but mine.”  Prayer is an attempt to impose one’s will on something in the universe.  That makes prayer little more than church-sanctioned magick.