Hothouse paranoid

It would be hideously narcissistic of me to assume that I should not be ignored at the gym, but people seem to go out of their way to ignore me.  It’s particularly bad in the sauna.  If I enter a sauna when others are already sitting and sweating, all conversation stops and the women sit in awkward silence or quickly leave.  If I’m alone in the sauna as others enter, they often stay for one awkward moment before leaving …all without ever acknowledging my presence. 

It’s at moments like these that my familial paranoia flares up.  I’m sure they ALL know I’m trans.  I haven’t been fooling anyone with this whole “woman” crap…except perhaps myself.

One woman always seemed particularly annoyed with my presence.  On top of all the aforementioned shunning, one time she came into the sauna, noticed me sitting in the corner, said, “Oh hell no,” and left in a huff.  I was so embarrassed that I left the gym in tears and nearly didn’t come back.

But one day I was uncustomarily at the gym in the evening.  The sauna was teeming with glistening, half-naked women.  I crept to the one place that opened up for me and only then noticed my nemesis fidgeting and glaring at me from the side.  I don’t know if she felt supported by the others, but this time she did not leave. Instead, she waited until I was settled and broke the sultry silence by looking directly at me and saying tersely, “so, what’s your deal, huh?” 

Rather than spring to my defense, the other women just looked at me as though they too wanted to know the answer to that question.

So, here it was at last.  The final confrontation.  My riposte was swift and witty.  “I’m sorry?”

“What’s your deal?  Are you like a model or something?”

I was floored.  A model? Really?  THAT’S why you’ve been shunning me?  So, I responded in the only appropriate fashion left to me.  “Yes.  Yes I am a model.  That’s exactly what I am.”

There was much smiling and nodding.