Th-th-th-th-that's all folks

I could not think of a more fitting place to have the swan song to my comedy career than at Gunner Daimon Gatlyn's fund raiser for ....well, for whatever MI title he doesn't already have.   The one set I was expecting to do went very well.  Lots of appreciative compliments both on the act and how awesome I looked.  (Not sure which compliment I appreciated more.)  

The second, unexpected set did not go well and I cut it short.  I should have known better.  One of the rules I learned over the years is that after 10pm, the audience will not respond to an intelligent set.  They are usually so drunk by that time that the only thing they will laugh at is how often you say the word "fuck."   I once testing this hypothesis by doing a set after 10pm entirely in Middle English heroic couplets.  The difference was that I ended every line with some form of profanity.  I absolutely killed.

But it was particularly fitting that my last appearance on stage should have ended with the audience not really listening to me.  The words of Eliot came to mind:

This is how the world ends
This is how the world ends
This is how the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper

Schadenfreude

I had to pick Kenny up from school the other day. When I showed up, the nurse was confused. She was expecting a Jimmye Winburn to pick him up. I told her that I was Jimmye Winburn. More confusion. She asked if she could see my ID. I presented it to her. She looked at her computer screen and now looked especially confused. "Oh, I'm sorry. We have you down as Kenny's grandfather." 

"Yes," I said. "I AM his grandfather." 

Her confusion turned to pained perplexity. 

I let her delicious confusion stew for a bit before releasing her from her torment. "I'm transgender."
"Oh!" she said, "I am so sorry. So Sorry."

"It's OK."

"I am so sorry."

When you're trans, you take whatever schadenfreude you can. I am SO going to hell.

I'm out

I have been asked if I am actually retiring from comedy.  I can say now that I am. 

With very few exceptions, the comedy world has made it abundantly clear that my presence is not welcome.  And since the vast majority of comedians are terrible people that I wouldn't want to hang out with anyway, I am not really losing anything. 

There are other trans comedians...sure.  Some of them have even managed to thrive in the community.  I can't...or I just don't have the moxy... or too old... or simply too tired.  I'm tired of being played off the stage in the middle of my act and having the host tell people that the performer up after me is a "real woman."  I'm tired of a host stopping me in mid act and saying that no one wants to hear five minutes of body stuff after he just did fifteen minutes about farting.  I'm tired of getting helpful advice that I should do something other than trans comedy because it makes people uncomfortable.  (i.e. it made HIM uncomfortable.)   And I'm tired of being passed up for gigs...even for shows that feature other LGBT performers... because I "just don't fit in." 

A while back I unfriended most of the performers I knew on Facebook.  They had clearly only friended me to be able advertise their shows anyway.  I may have to unfriend a few more soon and for the same reason.  If you are a performer and have never commented on any of my stuff,  you will soon find yourself with one less person to invite to your show....not that you would notice.   I doubt if any of you have even bothered to read this blog entry.  

Another trans performer once told me that every time I go up on stage and do my transgender shtick, I make life a little better for all of us.  I followed that advice for five years and just got a lot of heartache for my trouble.  Doesn't matter.  The schmagekkes have won.  I'm out. 

I am so out that I don't even want to SEE any more comedy or drag shows.   Don't bother inviting me.

This is the healthy thing for me to do.

Finally, this is my advice to other comedians who are trans but have not made it part of their act.  STAY STEALTHY.  Do not come out.  All you will do is make trouble for yourself.